Sunday, January 6, 2013

Body Image

I have been (mostly) seriously attempting to get in shape since Scott was about 8 months old. Of course, I had another baby in there, but I got serious again when Jeremy was 3 months old. In the last 7 months I have lost 20 lbs plus, I weigh less than I did when I got pregnant with either kid and I'm back into most of my pre-pregnancy clothes. I am doing extremely well! I am still working on it, but I've been very proud of my success thus far.

I saw a picture of myself yesterday (taken yesterday) and my only thought was "Wow, I look terrible". Ugh! I don't know if I will ever really feel good about myself in the moment. I can look back at periods in my past and think "Hey I looked great then!" but in the moment I rarely feel good about myself, even when I am proud of myself and working hard.

I don't know where it came from. I have a husband that is super supportive of me and my body at all weights (almost obnoxiously supportive). I was never bullied. I've only had one person ever call me fat and I was at my skinniest at the time. Ok, he only told me I had a big butt... and I kind of do.

Is it society? Will I ever get over this? I've moved past the eating disorder part of my life, and I don't have time to stress about how fat I am, and I still have excuses, but am I going to be dissatisfied with myself forever?

Pffft. Frustrating.

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