An Update

When I'm sitting and nursing Scott, I think of all of these things I'd like to write about here. But when I get a free moment and I sit down at my computer I don't feel like writing. So here's a summary, some of which I may expand on later, but no promises.

Good things:

• I get it. Motherhood and all that. It's awesome and I'm so enjoying these first few weeks.
• I'm so much more patient than I expected to be. I can handle the crying, I just want him to be happy.
  
• Swaddling and The Happiest Baby on the Block are good things!
• Having a swing is really useful.
• Cosleeping is way less scary than I expected, it actually makes sleeping better.

Less than good things:

• I am tired. I get way more sleep than most mothers I know and yet I'm still tired.
• Scott nurses a lot. Upwards of 4 hours a day. It's boring.
  
• I've stopped dropping 2 lbs a day, sad. I'll have to lose the last bit of weight slowly.
• Having a baby hurts, in unfortunate ways, for weeks. Boo to that.

In any case, I'm really enjoying this, and despite how hard all of this is and all the pain and frustration, I'm actually thinking about how soon we will do it again. I'm pretty sure that we will be making him a little brother or sister in the next couple of years. I think that must mean this is really good stuff, to want to go through it all again, even being in the throws of the pain of it.

Scott is 17 days old.

Doing better!

Ok! Things are much better.

First, my mom started stepping in and doing a lot of things that Eric and I aren't terribly good at yet. She's kept the crying to a minimum and that's been awesome.

Second, I have gotten Scott to latch, as long as I use a nipple shield. It's not the most comfortable way to nurse, but both he and I are getting better at it. Plus, I'm super excited to be breastfeeding at all that it's awesome.

I'm also continuing to pump and I'm on day 3 of it. On day 1, I could pump about an ounce at a go. Day 2, 2 oz at a go. Now, we're up to 3 oz at a go. :) I know women that can do way more than that, but I also know women that do less, so I'm happy to be able to feed my kid and stock away extra milk at the same day. So I have 10 oz in the fridge and no need for it except a fussy baby today. :) I'll start freezing soon.

So that's my update. We're all doing better! I don't have much else to say. I'm still not quite ready for visitors, but soon!

Not fair

Birth story to come, when I can think about it.

In the mean time, short version. I had a baby that went straight into the NICU after birth. He had a tear in his lungs during his first breath and ended up with air in his chest. As a result, he spent the last 3+ days in the care of other people. As a result, he ended up getting formula from a bottle. Now, he won't latch and breast feed without a lactation consultant standing over me and helping. Even my husband and mother trying to play the part of the consultant doesn't do it. I've spent the last two feedings with a SCREAMING child who calms down completely when he is given a bottle.

I'm so worn out and sad because of this. And my mom keeps reading me stuff from the breastfeeding book about how if a baby is given a bottle he'll have tons of trouble latching. NOT HELPFUL. No kidding, I didn't want this to happen. But what was I going to say? I wish he could have had formula from my breast, but he couldn't. My milk is in, it's not like he's trying to eat nothing, he's just not interested in the breast. The bottle is all he knows. He's eaten from the breast twice.

Great.

Just great.

If you'd asked me Sunday night, I would have bet that I wouldn't have Sprat for another couple of days. Then in the early morning hours of Monday I would have bet it would be Monday. Now I'm back to thinking Tuesday or so.

I'm exhausted. Like, haven't gotten a full sleep cycle in days exhausted. But when I tried to sleep tonight I kept being woken up by contractions.

I'm going on about 20 hours of labor now. I'm bored.

Days Pregnant: 9 months

Days to go: Probably less than one

Getting it

There are so many situations in life that are really hard to "get" unless you're in them yourself. I knew pregnancy was one of those, as every step along the way I slowly start to understand the things that have been explained to me by people that have gone through it.

I'm now in the end game portion of pregnancy. I'm past 39 weeks and I really could have this baby any day. I'd been told that sleeping toward the end just got impossible. I didn't understand why but I get it now. I wake up every 45 minutes all night long. Every time I roll over I wake up because it's uncomfortable to move. I wake up in a little pain and think "is this a contraction?" and even if I can conclusively answer yes to that, I then wonder if it's labor and I can't answer that one.

I have contractions, definitively. But do they count as labor? Not yet anyway. I'm waiting for them to become regular. I'm waiting to lose my mucus plug. I'm waiting for my water to break. This is the waiting game. And I'm exhausted. I was only in bed last night for just over 7 hours because trying to continue to go back to sleep gets exhausting in itself. Trying to talk myself back to sleep is hard.

So now that I'm up, I don't think I'm in labor, as expected. But I'm still waiting and paying attention.

Days Pregnant: 275

Days to go: 5?

Today is my first day of maternity leave. I slept in (until 8:30), went and got a pedicure and now I'm enjoying some TV.

I'm reminding myself not to get use to this because this glorious and restful period isn't going to last very long. But while it lasts, I like it.

Days Pregnant: 269

Days to go: 11