Merry Christmas 2012

90  second year in review (longer Christmas letter to come?):

Eric and Laura welcomed their 2nd (and last) child into the world! Jeremy Phillip was born on March 10th at 3:32am (Scott was born at 3:31am for those of you keeping track).

Lots of fabulous friends and family have come to visit both to see the new baby and to see us. I'd put everyone down, but well, I'm too tired to remember everyone and I don't want to leave anyone out. But if you came to visit, we LOVED having you here and appreciate that you came to us. If you didn't come visit in 2012, our guest room is wide open for 2013! Eric and I didn't do much travel ourselves in 2012, although we each went to one wedding (separately) that required a bit of travel.

This year has been all about finding a balance between staying sane with the lack of sleep and ever mounting housework, doing enriching things for the kids, and trying to have some fun ourselves.

Eric and Laura are at their same jobs. Laura hit 6 years over the summer and Eric has been with his for 2 years. Laura continues to enjoy her book club as her major ongoing "hobby". Eric has gotten into target shooting, although he doesn't get to practice much.

Scott is now 2 years old, celebrating his birthday with a fabulous Toy Story party where his friends and ours dressed up in costumes. He can walk, run, climb, jump, throw and do everything else the big people can. He's talking a lot more now, although we don't always understand what he's saying. He can put 2 or 3 words together, but we don't have sentences yet.

Jeremy is 9 months old and already walking with assistance. He will stand up using anything and if it's something he can push, he will take off across the room. Tables, chairs, toys... all of them get relocated. He has 2 teeth now. His major downfall as a person is his poor sleep, we are looking forward to him outgrowing this stage, but we aren't there yet.

2012 was a great year, and we hope 2013 will be even better.

I need words of encouragement

Every day is a challenge. 

Every day I think "This too shall pass".

Scott is very much 2. He has temper tantrums where he just screams "NO!" over and over again because he doesn't have a ton of language to explain his overly 2 year old emotions. He is getting smarter every day and he's also incredibly loving, but well, the "terrible twos" are a thing in our house. It's hard. It's hard to accomplish anything. It's hard to keep the baby safe and happy around his self-important older brother. 

And while Jeremy is wonderful, happy, playful, smart and inquisitive during his waking hours, he is a sleep terrorist and I haven't gotten more than 3 hours of sleep in a row (and those blocks are rare) in like 6 months. Most nights I get 1-2 hour blocks all night long. I am run down, frustrated...

and sick. Yeah, we are sick again. It sure seems like we spend half our lives sick. 

Kids. I sure hope you two end up BEST FRIENDS and appreciate how hard it was on your daddy and me when you were little. Having two kids this close together is incredibly difficult. I do not feel like a failure in any way, but I do feel like I did something stupid and now I just have to suck it up until... until I don't know when. I had someone tell me that when the younger one is 18 months old it gets better. So, we're half way there?

Ewww

Let me start this post with a quote from Eric.

"If I'd anticipated this situation when suggesting we have kids this close together, I maybe would have put a little more space between them."

For the last couple of weeks we've been sick. It started with a head cold in our 7.5 month old. Nothing big, but started the disrupted sleep (waking up every 2 hours). Next, Eric got it. He was so sick he took a day off from work to tend to himself. Somewhere after that Scott got a little bit sick too, but nothing huge. At least, until last Thursday when Scott threw up in the middle of the night. Oh so gross. Eric and I both jumped up to tend to it and it took everything out of us. Friday Scott stayed home from daycare with Eric and then Eric decided Scott needed to go see the doc for potential pink eye. Scott did indeed have pink eye, and also an ear infection. So we started him on eye drops and heavy duty antibiotics. Scott was lethargic and not eating, so he wouldn't cooperate with us on Saturday and eat the yogurt he was highly recommended to have between the doses of antibiotics. So the diarrhea started. I'll get back to that.

Fast forward to Sunday night. By this point, Scott was getting better. So when Jeremy threw up in the middle of the night, we were thrown off. We changed the sheets and got him back to sleep, only to have Scott throw up in bed. We changed HIS sheets. Then Jeremy woke up again, and wanted to eat. I nursed him back to sleep in my bed as I tend to do, and Jeremy threw up in OUR bed. So we changed those sheets and just sat awake for a couple of hours. At about 2:30am I started to feel ill. But it was at roughly 5am that I started throwing up too. That makes 3 of us who were throwing up in the middle of the night, 3 beds that had had sheets changed and 3 loads of laundry after we went to bed at 11pm.

All of us stayed home on Monday to deal with the throwing up baby, the throwing up mommy and the toddler who had developed DIAPER RASH from all the diarrhea. Oh, and I forgot to mention that on Saturday Eric had also come down with pink eye. So for those of you keeping track, that marks 2 cases of pink eye, 2 cases of bronchitis (didn't even really mention this), 2 stomach flus, 2 head colds, 1 bad case of diaper rash, and 1 ear infection. It was a day of steam mopping/wet vacuuming up vomit, trying to hold down enough liquid myself that I could actually make breast milk, trying to get the baby to hold down breast milk long enough to not get deadly dehydrated and trying to keep in good enough spirits that we didn't hate each other at the end of it.

I have forgotten every part of this saga by now (Tuesday, god). We are past the worst of it. Monday night there was throwing up by both children immediately prior to going to bed, and throwing up by the youngest immediately upon waking in the morning, but none of that was in beds, so we all slept on the same sheets all night long. By now we are down to just the DIAPER RASH and the bronchitis. But we are also super worn out and kind of at wits end.

Moral of the story, I'm super happy to have a washing machine in my garage.

Increasing Breast Milk Supply

I had to stop nursing S when he was about 10 months old because I was pregnant again. I didn't want to go to formula, but I didn't have much of a choice, my supply was drying up, pumping wasn't yielding much and my flow was really low. So I gave in when he quit and just didn't look back.

But this time, J is my last kid. There will be no unexpected pregnancy that causes my milk to dry up. I will make it to a year and never give formula. At least, that's the plan. So when I started having an uneven supply of milk I got very concerned. I did a bunch of reading and decided to try various things to increase my supply.

First I drank Mother's Milk tea. I don't know how people manage 4-5 cups of something that takes 10 minutes to brew a day. So I drank it inconsistently, never more than 2x a day. I didn't see any change. So then I moved on to Fengreek. I'm taking 4 pills twice a day. I didn't really see much of an increase in my supply, but it stopped dropping SUPER low like it had been.*

*All talk of my milk supply only refers to my output when I pump at work. I work 3 days a week and pump twice on the days I work. I send 12-14oz of milk to daycare with J, so I need to get at least 12oz to consider it a good day and not dip into frozen milk. I had been pumping 15-16oz a day the first month I was back at work, so that's my baseline of what's possible. When I say "SUPER low" I mean, only pumping 9-10oz total over 2 sessions.

So, back to my experimenting. Next, I went on to chinese herbs (I have a great acupuncturist and herbalist that I work with). I started taking that and didn't see that much of an increase either. Keep in mind, I'm still drinking the tea sometimes and still taking the fengreek daily. I'm trippling up!

Then two weeks ago I gave up on finding something new recommended on one of the various reputable sites I'd been looking at and I thought to myself "Self, you can fix this." No, actually I did come up with an idea that was worth trying.

And hey, it worked! What's the idea? WATER. Breast Milk is something like 98% water, so it follows that if I can get my body totally saturated in water, I would be able to output more milk.

Now I drink 30-40oz before I pump at 10am and I get 10-11 oz in that pumping alone. I drink another 30-40oz before the 3pm pumping and I get an additional 5-6oz. This isn't totally reliable, but I haven't had a single day below 13oz since I started doing this. And I've gone as high as 17oz. Water intake is VERY important to breast milk, at least for me. Now, I'm still taking fengreek, and the herbs, and drinking the tea sometimes, but the water was the big factor.

One of those "duh" things, but I figured I'd share, incase anyone else is having the same issues I was.

Teeth

Why does teething disrupt life SO much?

I think I got sleep in 90 minute increments or less last night. There were at least 5 middle of the night feedings where usually there are 1-2.

I'm tired.

Jeremy still has no teeth, but I think cutting is happening and that 2 teeth will break through in the next week, I hope in the next 48 hours.

Can't put two words together

Scott is a smart little boy... mostly.

He's a little stunted when it comes to language. I do not believe he has anything like a learning disorder, I think he's just behind in language because he's choosing to focus on other things. He knows stuff, and every so often he busts out with some concept that surprises the heck out of me, but he's still saying single words.

Now, to be fair, he's got some great words. He says please if he wants something, will sign thank you when given things, and is generally only into talking when he wants something or he's excited about something. He's certainly not a chatterbox. I'm thankful for all of these things. But I'd REALLY like two words put together. I'd like to hear "Hi mama!" or "More milk please". He can say all of these things, but if you ask him to say "More milk" he'll either say more, or milk, but not both. He usually repeats the last word said.

Then again, yesterday I was home from work and the kids and I were hanging out in the master bedroom watching TV and reading (I was reading, Jeremy was playing with my arm and Scott was watching TV). We resumed an episode of Little Bear that he had started earlier, and when that was over I started the next one. A few minutes into the episode Scott turned around and very clearly said "Scarecrow". I asked him to repeate it and he said it again clearly. I looked at the TV and realized that I had started the same episode over again and we had just reached the part where it was repeating itself. Scott let me know by telling me the scarecrow was on the TV again. Smart kid who really can pick up new words when it's important and not just because I want him to.

He is also good with the concept of "One". If he wants something, like cashews, and I tell him no, not right now, he'll look at me and say "One"... and if I consent, he's then ok with only receiving one! It's amazing. He's also gotten the idea of "Do this, and then you can have/do that". Like, "Eat this last bite of food and you can be done with dinner and go play". It's awesome.

So, not really talking yet, but learning!

A Mommy Update

Today Jeremy is 5 months old. This is pretty much what every parent says at every stage, but "It's hard to believe so much time has passed already." Scott is very nearly 22 months old.

But this post isn't about them! It's about me. (I know, that's nothing new, they mostly all are).

I'm 5 months post-partum and I have lost all but 5 lbs of my pregnancy weight. I am the same weight and size I was when I got pregnant with Scott (I got pregnant with Jeremy at a lower weight). My body is a little different. I'm carrying much more weight in my mid-section, and my limbs are much more toned. I dare say I have nice legs for the first time in my adult life and my arms are fabulous just like Michelle Obama.

How you ask? I do kettlebells. Not super often, just once a week (going on 8ish weeks of it). I also walk/hike a 5K once a week or so. But mostly it's kettlebells. I've lost 10 lbs in the last 2 months!

I did something stupid and I cut my hair last November. It was short (you know, chin length) and chic, and super fun! If I did it. If I didn't, oh gosh, it looked like an unevenly wavy fuzz ball. I'm growing my hair out, and struggling regularly with "I have kids, no time to do my hair, little hands that pull it out of however I've put it up, and I look gross". My hair is wavy/curly which was much easier to deal with when it was long and I could just braid it and go if I had no time. Live and learn I guess.

I'm starting to be able to wear some of my pre-pregnancy clothes again (mostly the pants). It feels great! I still have another 3-4 lbs to lose before they are really comfortable again, and if I can lose another 10-12 lbs, then they'll be too big and I can move into the next smaller size (the smallest I have really).

I'm loving my boys a lot, but I struggle with how hard it is to do anything substantial with them. I really want to do activities with my older son, but I have to tend to the younger one often too. Also, 22 months old isn't really old enough to use glue, or scissors, or anything breakable, and he throws stuff and draws on everything... so I'm just biding my time until he can play with things. This weekend I'm going to play with felt and see if I can do something like make him faces to play with. At least if he throws felt at me/the baby it won't hurt.

Um, life goes on I guess.

The wramblings of a tired mommy

I LOVE being a parent. My kids are super awesome.

Jeremy is 4 months old! Yesterday he rolled over, from front to back, many times, with purpose (the first time I've ever seen him do it). He's starting to laugh at stuff. He sleeps through the night (mostly). He babbles like he has the world to tell me about! He's all kinds of adorable.

Scott is (very nearly) 21 months old! He is learning new words, finding new favorite things, starting to be helpful. He's fast and strong and full of play. He still laughs at everything. He's a great kid.

Ok, I think my kids are great, got it? Now I get to complain.

This morning Eric had to take his dad to the airport really early (after dawn, but the stupid sun makes it light way too early these days). So He got up at 5. I woke up with his alarm, realized the baby was still in bed with me (oops, fell asleep before I could put him back last night), and so I didn't want to move him. But he woke up too at 5:30am and... well, I've been up since then. I'm tired. I should really go have some coffee... yep, doing that, back in a bit (btw, it's now 8:00am and I haven't had coffee yet).

Ok, back, it's now 8:20 and I've acquired some coffee, had some office gossip time and ... where was I?

So I've been awake since somewhere in the neighborhood of 5am. I don't get enough sleep. Ever. Even if I try to, I don't. Even if I wear myself out, and somehow I magically get to sleep in (until 7:15!), I never catch up. This makes me less intelligent than I otherwise could be. I was chatting with someone women at my peditritian's office last week and one of them said that having kids makes women roughly 25 IQ points less intelligent during the infant and toddler years. It's pretty much directly from sleep deprivation. I am there. It's frustrating.

This morning I checked facebook while I was laying in bed before actually getting up at 6am. I saw pictures from one of my BFFs weekends. She was off on an amazing bachelorette party with one of her friends. I don't get to do things like that anymore. On the one hand, I wanted to have kids young so I'd have the energy to keep up with them. I also wanted my kids to really know my parents as grandparents. I wanted my parents to be able to be at my kids weddings. Hopefully that's been accomplished.

However, having kids when I did means that I've given up half of my 20's. I still have fun, don't get me wrong. I have a great circle of friends who often invite me to things, kids in tow. Many of them will play with Scott or hold Jeremy. But I still miss out on nights out dancing, at bars, comic con, disney trips... because I have kids. All of this is obvious and very "well duh!", but let's refer to that 25 point IQ drop I mentioned before. Even knowing how it will change your life going in, it's still hard to seriously wrap your head around it until you've lived it for a while.

This too shall pass. When I'm 45 and my kids are off in college, and my friends still have tweens at home, I'll be off doing things that they want to do! I hope.

Bubonic Plague

This post is totally unrelated to my family, and tangentially related to motherhood. It's more a post about perspective. It's a little disturbing, you may not want to read this one.

Ever since I was a little kid I've been fascinated with the various outbreaks of the Bubonic Plague. I've almost thought that the whole thing was "cool"... as much as one can about something so grizzly. I've done various presentations on it over the years and I have a fairly good understanding of how the plague was transmitted and what they did about it.

At least, I thought I did. In October 2011, I got to go to Scotland for a week when Scott was 1 year old. I was pregnant at the time. During this trip, we went on a walking tour that lead underneath the city of Edinburgh. The tour was called "The Real Mary King's Close". The tour was full of interesting things, but it was also full of absolutely terrifying things. The way Edinburgh grew, people ended up living underground, or at the bottom of very tall and narrow passages. I'm slightly claustrophobic as it is, so this was a little stomach churning to begin with. But the thing that's still haunting me 8 months later was a small offshoot about the bubonic plague. We were exploring a section under the streets of Edinburgh, where people really lived, in real old homes and passages, and they had various mannequins set-up in different scenarios showing how life was then. Murders, daily work, and one section on the plague. There was a mother trying to care for her two children who had come down with the plague. They were huddled on a bed of straw, wasting away. There was a man, a doctor of sorts, coming by to collect the dead in a full leather coat and mask. Viewing the scene from the eyes of a mother who has had to care for her child with just a cold, I was seriously shaken. There are things about history that seem interesting until you are confronted with them in a new way. For me, in this case, it was being a parent myself, facing a life sized representation of one of my worst fears. Motherhood creates fierce and strong emotions. This one, the protective instinct, is new and powerful. I'm so heartbroken over all of the mothers who had to watch their children die (and then probably die themselves from catching it themselves).

I just wanted to write about it because it's stuck in my head and my heart today (no idea why), and I wanted to try and get it out, have the chance to process my thoughts on the topic. And to express my great grattitude and joy that we know what caused the plague and aren't currently living in a time or area with any great medical epidemics.

Joining things

The hardest thing about working out is starting. Before last year, I've never really enjoyed working out. Sure, I've had dance classes I loved, and I've done weight lifting physical education in school that was fun, and I even had one semester in college that I was REALLY dilligant about wroking out, but I never really liked working out for working outs sake. What happened? Why do I now really enjoy it?

I think it part of it comes down to it being time for me, only about me, that's actually productive. Time spent with kids is so focused on their needs, their desires, and it's so hard to get any ME time. Sometiems I need to veg (yesterday, for example, when I FINALLY got both kids asleep for ~30 minutes, I spent the first 20 doing some paperwork stuff that needed doing, so I spent the last 10 minutes eating ice cream). But being able to steal time to improve my self esteem (because that's what working out does, it improves my body, thus improving my self esteem) is rad.

But I remember the first time I went to work out in a group class last summer. I was so nervous. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to keep up. It was a class where you use dumbells and I brought along 2lb weights because I was scared. The instructor laughed at me, gave me 5 lb weights and I've never looked back. When you're in a group dynamic, it seems like you need to keep up, be the one that isn't dragging everyone back. But that's not how it really is. You need to work on you, and let everyone else work on themselves. That first day in that class, no one else was slowed down by my presence.

It's funny to think that about 5 years ago I was debating joining weight watchers, but I didn't want to join and be "too skinny" and have everyone else feel bad about the skinny girl joining their group. I now know that anyone else in my group wouldn't have viewed me as "too thin" to be in it, they would have been happy if I was just an active memeber. That's what it's all about, attitude. If you are excited and ready to be a part of whatever it is that you are joining, everyone else will be excited for you to be there too.

I now workout with the people from that first workout class last year 2-3 times a week. They're all excited to have me there, even if I'm the weakest link. I go, I work my butt off, and I get better. They help me do it! I keep them motivated by improving week to week and they keep me motivated because they're doing it right along with me!

Moral of the story... do you have something you're contemplating joining that you're kind of unsure about? Join it! Be it a nutrition group, a workout group, a walking group, a book club... whatever it is, if you go into it excited to be a part, everyone will be happy you joined!