Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Scott will be 8 months old next week. That actually seems about right :)

But this post is about me. He's amazing, but his impact on me is interesting too. Two things have happened since I gave birth.

1) I'm sleep deprived. Seriously, long term, sleep deprived. Scott typically wakes up every 2-3 hours all night long, even now. He sleeps in his crib some, but he spends a lot of most nights in bed with us too. This is so that neither one of us needs to wake up to get him. Sometimes I sleep in the guest bed with just Scott so that we both have a little more room. The side effect of this is that I am not always the kind of person that I want to be, particularly with Eric. My patience is in short supply and nearly all of it goes to Scott. I am cranky and snappy and irritable. I know that it's directly related to my sleep deprivation, so I can often step back and appoligize for it, but I can rarely fix it in real time. At least I know I'm doing it.

2) I'm motivated to actually work out. I want to lose the pregnancy weight (which I have), and fit back into my pre-pregnancy clothes (which I do, officially, as of last week), and have the stamina and strength to keep up with a little boy. I've never wanted to work out. When it was easy and free and I had access to pools and gyms, I didn't really do anything. At least, not regularly (beyond one semester in college). Sure, I've taken lots of dance classes, but I've never wanted to work out for working out's sake before. But now I do! And I've managed to fit it into my life. I swim one day a week with a friend and I do an aerobics weight lifting class another day. I feel so good about myself. Startlingly good. It's not that I'm super hot, I'm not really. I still have a belly and I'm 10 lbs overweight (by BMI standards), but I look better than I did 6 months ago, or even last month. And I have more energy. Despite the sleep deprivation, I am not exhausted all the time anymore! And it's all internal! That's the best part. I have one friend who looks at me regularly and comments on my weight loss success, but mostly it's all my opinion of me. I may have the best opinion of myself that I've ever had in life. Pretty funny, especially considering that I weighed 40 lbs less a decade ago.

So Scott is currently causing me to be less zen than I would like, but he's improved my desire to take control of my body and my self esteem. Overall, I think positive changes.

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